The Melancholy of Naruto Uzumaki?
by Kyon-kun Choreboy of the World
Summary: In a world, where movies are usually awful, one ninja decides that he shall make the most awesome movie ever. Watch the struggles of one ninja as he attempts to make the best movie ever without getting sued for copyright!


The perky blonde ninja continued to jump somewhat elegantly from tree to tree. What was his goal, you ask? In his words, "to make an extremely badass ninja flick with tons of explosions everywhere like-"

Oh wait, I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to say that director's name, as it's against the rules of . Oh well, I'm sure you can figure out who it is.

Eventually, Naruto found his way and began waiting eagerly above the director's dressing room. For whatever reason, the director was living in Konaha. The director began to walk out of his room, and Naruto jumped him, threatening to kill him.

"Jesus! Are you smoking or something? Your voice... It's just so annoying!"

"Well excuse me for being dubbed by-"

Again, I can't say someone's name.

"What the hell do you want, kid!" The director screamed.

"Isn't it obvious? I want to make a freaking badass ninja flick with tons of explosions! Word is you're good at explosions!" Naruto responded, hyper as ever.

A few days later, filming of the movie began.

The movie started off with Naruto screaming, "WHERE THE HELL IS MY RAMEN! Screw Sasuke, I want my ramen!"

After Naruto said that line, he instantly went up to the director about it. "Director, where did you come up with this idea?"

"Well I've never actually read the original source-material, so I'm just going to go on what the fanfictions tell me. And they tell me all you care about is ramen! So get used to it!"

"Why the hell haven't you read the source-material!"

"Do any directors ever do that?"

"What about the director of Scott Pilgrim! That was pretty close to the source-material! Other than the ending of course, but that was because the final volume of the graphic novels weren't out, yet!"

"Well, I'm not the director of Scott Pilgrim! Maybe if you want an authentic movie you should get him! Note this: You won't get nearly as many explosions."

Naruto gasped at that final sentence. No explosions meant no badassery for him. No badassery for him meant he was never going to be able to afford to eat ramen. No ramen meant he would die, because ramen is _obviously _the most important thing in the world to Naruto.

Filming continued as normal, until a scene came up in which the director ordered Naruto to kiss Sasuke.

"What the hell!" Naruto screamed.

"I wanted to keep some of the source-material, and the source-material says you kiss him in the first volume of the manga!"

"It was an accident! I was trying to kiss Sakura!"

"Sure you were, sport. Sure you were. Anyways, let's continue filming. Kiss him. Now."

And so, Naruto did as he was told and made all of the little fujoshi start screaming in crying out of happiness. Many pictures were taken on that day.

"So, Naruto, since I took all of the rights for your film idea away from you and did the movie my way, I'll let you name it. What do you want to call it?"

"Can I write it down on this board?"

"Sure, go ahead, kid."

And so Naruto began to write something that looked like "Suzumiya."

"Hey, director! How do I spell Melancholy?"

"You can't do that! That's against the law!"

"But we'd get a lot more people to watch it, that way! Especially if we say it's the sequel to Shōshitsu (Disappearance)!"

"You can't do that, kid! There are copyright issues having to do with that!"

"Fine, how about Naruto no Naku Koro ni, with the 'Na' being red?"

"No! Damn it, what the hell don't you understand about copyright? It's like it doesn't exist to you..."

"USO DA!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs as the trees outside began to move rapidly even without there being a breeze.

"Fine, Naruto. You can have your Higurashi reference, but just one!"

"YAY! But if I can't call the movie Naruto no Naku Koro ni, can I call it Full Naruto Panic!"

"God damn it, Naruto, you can't name it after something you saw on TV. How about this?"

The director wrote on the board, "Uzumaki Naruto no Yami."

"Sounds creepy and interesting, right?" The director asked.

"Uzu... Maki... Nar... U... To's... Hell...?"

"Very good, Naruto! You can read your own name! And the word 'Hell,' too! I'm so proud of you."

And so, they called it Uzumaki Naruto no Yami, and it was a commercial success at the box office. However, it was criticized by many for not following the source material much. The fujoshi didn't care, however, going back to see it numerous times to see the NaruSasu kiss.

Naruto Uzumaki is now 15 year old and still trying to hunt down Sasuke Uchiha. Ironically, the plot of the movie was that, after kissing Sasuke, Sasuke leaves the village of Konaha and Naruto joins a squad in an attempt to save him, that almost resulted in Naruto's death. The director is proposing that a sequel be made called "Uzumaki Naruto no Shippuuden: Kizuna."

The fate of Uchiha Sasuke has already been described before.

And the fate of the director is the most interesting of them all. He was last seen cursing at the front gate of Konaha with all of his belongings, seemingly going back to America.

A/N:

It's been a LONG time since I've seen Naruto, and mostly have just been seeing the Abridged Series and LittleKuriboh's parodies of it. They inspired me to do this, and I'd like to thank them.


End file.
